First of all, this morning I'm showing my age. I believe the Burlap to Cashmere song "Mansions" is probably ten or more years old. It's interesting, since I had never heard of them before, but their CD Anybody Out There? was one of the first Christian CDs I ever bought. It may be the only one they ever recorded. Are they even still together? I heard they weren't. Not that any of that has anything to do with, well, anything.

We lived in Michigan when this CD came out, and I can vividly remember where I was when I heard the line from "Mansions" that starts, "Faithful God like faithful sunrise..."

Don't know why, but ten years ago that line punched me in the gut. I was struggling with a whole lot of things back then, and something about knowing that the sun was going to rise tomorrow and knowing that God was going to be there tomorrow wrapped around my heart and healed something in there.

I can't count the number of times over the course of the past ten years that "faithful God like faithful sunrise" has popped into my head, usually when I needed to know that God is right there.

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am definitely not a person who likes to get up in the mornings. I'd a million times rather roll over and sleep as late as possible. But my daughter's bus time and my desire to get everything done in the day necessitates me getting out of bed around six. The house is quiet, the dog is not nosing into the middle of what I'm doing (though the cat is), and there is nothing pressing to do at six in the morning.

And I have come to treasure that time with God. I like to keep the lights off and open the blinds and look at the world and be still with Him. My day feels off when I don't get that quiet time. It's not prayer usually, just sitting with my head on my Abba's knee, ya know?

This morning, I curled up in my chair, reached up, and opened the blinds to see... the most amazing purple, blue, violet sky I've ever seen. There's not a paintbrush in the world that can do that. It actually made me gasp. And it faded from deep blue violet to a purple pink that defied description. At that moment, it wrapped me up in love so tight I could hardly breathe.

God's been working on the love thing with me a lot lately, because it's rare for me to let Him simply love on me. I rush around, pray this, pray that, throw praises into the air and love on Him, but even when I'm sitting still I rarely bask in His affection. Know what? God adores me. And He adores you. You are the apple of His eye (it says so in Zechariah, which, incidentally, is an awesome book), your name is engraved on the palm of His hand (Isaiah 49). Those things are just too huge for me to grasp.

It hit me this morning, watching that sunrise, that sometimes I try too hard to love him. Not sure if I can explain that. I strive after it sometimes, and the striving becomes the thing, not the love. Fact is, I will never on this earth be able to fully love my Jesus. Ever. It's impossible. But oh, when I get to heaven... then I will fully know as I am fully known (I Cor. 13). And dare I say, fully love as I am fully loved?

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